Celebrations

I was thinking recently about things I used to celebrate. I’m not talking of excessive celebrations. Perhaps a meal out, or buying a new book. My celebrations are generally fairly low key, but that’s not important. What’s important is reflecting on an event, and making time to celebrate. Examples include exam results, graduation, a new job, achieving a promotion. Some events happen more occasionally, but may still merit celebrations. Moving house, an engagement or marriage, (for some, a divorce), the birth of a child, retirement. Perhaps a competition win, or recognition achieved for work done well. There are many things which are good to celebrate. In doing so, we have an opportunity to pause and congratulate ourselves, before moving on to the next goal.

Life used to be punctuated with celebrations. My career was a series of new roles and promotions, such was the nature of the fast track scheme I was on. Each position brought with it a sense of achievement, my ambition driving me from one milestone to the next. At the time, my career was important, and was what led to the most regular reasons to celebrate. I suppose in many ways, I was defined by my work and the success which came with it.

But without the career, and with unpredictable mental health, I find myself wondering what there is to celebrate. I have much to be grateful for in life, but to mental health, that doesn’t matter. How often do we hear from people who, to the outside world, appear to have so much, talk about how they struggle with depression?

Parenting is, more or less, a full-time occupation. Somebody laughed when I said my main aim every day was to keep our little person alive. But it wasn’t a joke. The responsibility for looking after a child is huge. Their physical and emotional wellbeing is absolutely the responsibility of the care givers. It’s exhausting, and there are no promotions, or staff reports effusing over how well you’re doing. However, being a mother is wonderful, and a role which I am very fortunate to experience. 

Beyond parenting, what can I celebrate for myself? Depression sometimes makes the smaller things in life feel like mountains. Getting up can be a challenge. Remembering things is, at times, very hard. Leaving the house might seem overwhelming, and, some days, seeing other people is too much. Let alone interacting with them. But these are all part of my life. And while I was reflecting on how few things I feel able to celebrate, I realised that it’s not lack of occasions, it’s just that my focus has shifted. 

Where I used to be happy to travel to meetings by train, the thought of visiting the station is now overwhelming. It makes me too anxious. So when the day comes that I feel able to return to the train station, guess what? I will celebrate. What seems something small, is actually a big step for me. And when I next feel trapped at home, stuck within a loop of obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, and depression, but I still manage to leave the house, guess what? I will celebrate. If I make it into town on a day when it’s a struggle to do so, I’ll recognise the achievement. A low key celebration of coffee and time with our son may not seem a great deal, but to me, on a difficult day, it is everything.

Today, these are the parameters by which I measure my own success. And I encourage others to do the same. Especially if you have experienced significant life changes, struggle with your mental health, or sometimes feel overlooked because life doesn’t include promotions or gold stars. Think about what your personal challenges are and celebrate when you succeed. It doesn’t matter if success means going out to post a letter, or getting out of bed in the morning. You’ve done it, so celebrate, and invite others to share your celebration. Those who care about you will understand.