Attachment

It’s been longer than usual since publishing. Life’s timetable sometimes takes over the majority of hours of the day. There have been good-byes over recent weeks. Not to living beings, but to things that I nevertheless had great attachment to. Which leads to the subject of this post. Attachment to non-human entities.

I mentioned earlier this year that I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). In other words, I sit somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I can manage daily life without needing much more than understanding from others. Occasionally, I may appreciate extra support if trapped in social situations. And I know there are situations in which I mask, using techniques learned through observation to camouflage my own discomfort and uncertainty. It’s exhausting, and not something which is easy to stop, so taking time out to rest is beneficial. Before terms were redefined in 2013, my diagnosis would probably have been Asperger’s Syndrome.

ASD and Anthropomorphising

Among the features of ASD is an increased likelihood of anthropomorphism. In other words, to attribute human traits, such as emotions and behaviours, to non-human entities. Through anthropomorphosis, strong attachments are formed with items such as cutlery, toys, and household appliances, and larger things such as houses and cars. It also includes non-human living beings, such as companion animals. Researchers suggest that anthropomorphising, both as adults, and as children, is to combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. It can lead to hoarding, whereby people feel such attachment to items that they struggle to discard things.

A tendency towards anthropomorphising can lead to difficult situations. A child might find an adult overrules the child’s desire to hold onto items. And for an adult with attachments, others might not understand either the depth of attachment, or the emotional connection. There is a human tendency to mock things which are not understood, or are considered weaknesses. This can induce anxiety for those with the attachment, and increase feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Example

Picture a circle of friends enjoying a picnic. One of the group begins to tidy up, and starts to collect the rubbish. This includes a bottle cap which is lying next to another group member (I’ll call them Max). However, unbeknown to the others, the bottle cap has a personality and has been keeping Max company during the picnic. On the one hand, Max wants to say with confidence that they wish to keep the bottle cap. On the other, Max doesn’t want to draw attention to the fact, and sits in silence. All the while, Max tries to process the removal of the item, and feels upset that they felt unable to state they wished to keep it.

For a child, it can be even more distressing, as they struggle to articulate their emotions regarding the item, and have less developed means of processing their feelings. Whether their attachment is to a toy, or a stick, the connection is real. They look to adults in their life to take the attachment seriously, and offer reassurance.

Support

A friend encouraged me to write this post, as a means of sharing some lived experience. I hope that it helps to raise awareness of a struggle experienced particularly keenly by those with a diagnosis of ASD. There are some strategies which might help when the time comes to pass things on.

The first is understanding. Recognise that throwing, selling, or giving attachment items away will generate a strong emotional response. The attachment might not even be recognised by others, until the time comes to pass the item on.

If it really needs to go, stage the disposal process. Perhaps by putting the object somewhere out of sight for a while. I find the maxim ‘out of sight, out of mind’ can work with some things. Memories (and some attachments) fade without regular contact.

I retain attachment to certain items which I used as support over the years. Most are in the loft, but I know where they are, and why they are important. And there they remain. Perhaps even until the time comes when somebody who outlives me is left to sort a curious mixture of boxes while clearing the space. Until then, I am under no pressure to discard the items. My husband accepts that they are a part of me, my background, and they are things I wish to keep.

A diagnosis of ASD does not mean someone will have attachment issues, just as attachment does not necessarily mean that someone has ASD. Attachment is not sentiment. It evokes sentimental feelings, but there is something more visceral about attachment. The anthropomorphic connection to objects is not unique to those with ASD, but is more likely. And it is, perhaps, an aspect of the disorder which deserves greater understanding.

See also:
Transitional objects
Sage Journals
Research Gate
Autism and Attachment to Objects/Toys