Conversation Starter
Today’s post is a stream of consciousness. A conversation starter; or so it has proved when I’ve raised the subject. Particularly with other parents who are striving to raise children unbound by societal influences which would otherwise condition their thinking.
In life, I’ve learnt to challenge assumptions. Experiences, good and bad, have shaped my thoughts. I’d love to return to philosophy lessons at secondary school, to revisit the discussions which our tutor strove to generate. While I enjoyed them then, I feel the depth of content was somewhat lost on a twelve year old.
As a parent, I feel even more conscious than before of the influences around us. Take, for example, a traffic light. Some of them have aids to help pedestrians navigate the crossing. And, growing up, I learnt to refer to these as the red man, and green man. But now, with a child, it feels wrong to call them men. So I refer to them as a red person, and a green person.
Perhaps that’s too much for some, and others won’t think anything of it. But I hope our son will grow up believing in, and championing, equality. To open his mind to this is to create an environment for him in which we are equals. Where androgynous symbols are viewed neither as male, nor female. Just people. I’m not advocating women crossing signs, which are used in some cities. Women are still (generally) depicted as wearing skirts, which in itself doesn’t help equality. Many women wear trousers, many men have long hair.
Take this picture as another example. What do you see?
I asked a selection of parents what they saw in the photo. Answers included space people, spacemen, and astronauts. Another small example, perhaps. But if we refer to these figures as spacemen, do we not continue the drip feed of information to our children that men are the primary sex? The ones who not only dominate the toybox, but who have the exciting jobs. Not many people have the chance to become an astronaut, but those that do can be men and women.
In the supermarket, we are guided by signs to boys’ and girls’ clothes. Having bought a number of clothes before we knew the sex of our child, I’d opted for practical designs with rockets and dinosaurs. Which, although bought for either sex of child, were found within the boys’ clothes section. In the same supermarket, are mansize tissues (they’re just big, perfectly fine for women as well as men), and greetings cards labelled for boys (space) and girls (butterflies).
The more I think about, and discuss the issue of trying to raise children who will challenge aspects of the patriarchy, and strive for equality, the wider the discussion ranges. There are many areas in which boys are treated differently because of being male. There is still much to be done to encourage them to feel comfortable in displaying vulnerability. Phrases such as “man up” remain part of the vernacular, especially in certain sporting arenas. And imagine a boy announcing that he wanted to be a beautician or a ballet dancer when he was older. Is society – in general – ready for this? Or are we conditioned to believe that these roles aren’t for men? In a world where we are overloaded with information, generalising becomes more prevalent. People have less time to challenge and to think beyond the information which is presented to them.
I hope by trying to raise a human, as opposed to training a boy (or a ‘little man’), we will contribute in a small part towards building a more equal future society. There is much still to be done, and sometimes it feels like two steps forwards and one backwards. Which at least is one step forwards at a time. And as I said at the outset, this is a stream of consciousness or conversation starter. But it’s a conversation which we – society – should be having.
Further articles which may be of interest:
The 1975 pledge not to play at festivals which have too few female artists
Men in the public eye with some of their quotes on feminism
An article by Gaia Vince, science reporter, considering the patriarchy
I agree with the majority of what you’re saying. Our youngest wears cardigans and chooses dresses from the dressing up box, and why not?! On the other hand though, I worry for a world that swings too far. The key is equality, but not to the exclusion of men. If a man is better suited to a job, he should be appointed, if a man is more qualified for an entertainment role he should be chosen. It’s about finding balance and looking at diversity and equality that doesn’t exclude anyone on the basis of their personal history, race or gender.
Absolutely, which is why this is a conversation starter. It should always be the best candidate for the job, or whatever role it is in question. As I said in the post, there are many areas where boys struggle, because of the constructs which society puts on them. Equality is just that. An equal setting for all, regardless of background. I hope in this country we will move towards a more equal society, where children are raised as humans rather than treated differently because of their sex. Where toys are not allocated masculine (or indeed, female) identities because of what they represent. Where sections of boys’ and girls’ clothes are things of the past. On a global platform, there remain mountains to climb in working towards equality. And historically, much of the suppression (and continuing today) is in respect of girls and women. It shouldn’t just be females who challenge this, but men. Humans. Societies. Thank you for reading and commenting. Look forward to discussing in more detail over a cuppa when we both have time (in the distant future!!)
You’re both so right even though I find it difficult to loose my own shackles of men and women stereotyping, equality, race, culture and religion. I’m proud of you all that you can see and shape a better future. Xx
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s really easy to stereotype without realising it. The example of traffic lights is a very basic one, and something which people don’t necessarily think about. There are myriad other examples which – generally – tend towards masculine tags. Either way, I think it’s important to raise children to challenge any stereotypes, by recognising them when they arise, questioning them, and thinking about how to deal with them. It all contributes to a kinder and more tolerant society, which we so desperately need xx