Who Are You?
Who are you? Years ago, when introducing myself to others, I would start with my name. Depending on the circumstances of the meeting, I might continue by presenting my job title. The information would lead many to make an immediate judgement about me. They might make assumptions about my social standing, my ambition, my intellect. Perhaps they would assess whether there was any benefit to them in continuing to converse with me, or if they should move on.
Hi, I’m Emma Lord. Director of Policy and Operations.
https://spacecareers.uk/?p=emma_lord
But really, so what? What does that actually tell anyone about me? I’ve thought about this more over the last few years. When I married, I worried I would lose the sense of who I am, and become part of a couple. A ‘Mrs’ somebody, ‘so and so’s wife’, an ‘other half’. Fortunately my husband is both open minded and laid back. He had no intention of absorbing my identity within his own. From the beginning, he knew he was with a fiercely independent woman, who would forever be his equal. I have never felt I am ‘just’ his wife and he has never made me feel like an extension of himself (for example, he introduces me by name rather than just saying that I’m his wife).
Anyway, moving into photography, I began to introduce myself differently.
Hi, I’m Emma Lord. I’m a photographer.
https://www.emmalordphotography.com/about-emma-lord-photography
Again, so what? The job title is perhaps more descriptive than some of those I held in the civil service. But does it really say much about the essence of me?
Many factors have created the person I am today. I wrote last year about some of the things which influence our identities. And as I write this post, I think. What is it I really hope to find out when I meet someone new? Names are useful. They offer a less formal means of salutation for future reference. Job titles can open interesting conversations. This doesn’t always give much insight into the person though. Sometimes there’s a sense that a job title is proffered in exchange for a level of respect. I once worked with someone who was CEO of a company, High Sheriff of a county, and Chair of a government agency. When making new acquaintances, they made sure every position was included within their introduction. To some, this was a sign of a person who was well respected and had a high social standing. My own feeling is simply that their titles didn’t tell me anything about them.
Since leaving the civil service, and thereby stepping away from what some might think of (pejoratively) as the establishment, I have found a different structure to my days. Within this, I have been privileged to meet new people, and make friends. There is great diversity within these groups; life beyond the service offers many eclectic connections. For the first time in years, I feel able to get to know people, as opposed to titles. There may be common themes which draw us into our own interconnecting Venn sets – animal welfare, mental health, voluntary activities, creative work, hobbies, even favourite coffee houses. But within these groups are individuals, who identify themselves first by name and then by conversation.
But now as a mother, I am working through another period of adjustment. People might recall our son’s name more easily than they remember me. I am our boy’s mother. Which only tells people that I am trying to raise a child. This is of course a great privilege. But I find myself in a continual assessment and reassessment process of discovery. Being a wife and a mother are two parts of the whole. In fact, between them, they probably take up most of the whole. It seems at times that I am losing who I am. If asked to introduce myself, I would probably stall after giving my name.
So my homework to myself this week, is to take some extra time to remember who I am. To think about how I would introduce myself to someone new. What I would tell them to offer a sense of who Emma Lord is. The person beyond titles, certificates, or post nominals. Not overlooking those who bring joy to my life in the process, but taking me to a position where I can assert, this is me.
